As the years pass by I am starting to realize how much of ourselves and our lives is a choice. As I approach thirty I can no longer blame those around me for who I am. I am making the choices and it is time to more consciously make those everyday decisions. Not only for myself, but so that I can become the type of role model I want to be for my child.

I am embarrassed to admit it, because let’s be honest we all like to pretend we are perfect, but one of the aspects of myself that I have been working on is my hesitation to forgive. Somehow my heart has long believed the lie that to forgive is to say that whatever happened was okay.

I recently found this extract that gives such beautiful clarity to the subject:

“Forgiveness means accepting responsibility – not for causing the destruction, but for cleaning it up. It’s the decision that restoring your own peace is finally a bigger priority than disrupting someone else’s.

“Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to make amends with who hurt you. It doesn’t mean befriending them, sympathizing with them or validating what they have done to you. It just means accepting that they’ve left a mark on you. And that for better or for worse, that mark is now your burden to bear. It means you’re done waiting for the person who broke you to come put you back together. It’s the decision to heal your own wounds, regardless of which marks they’re going to leave on your skin. It’s the decision to move forward with scars.

“Forgiveness isn’t about letting injustice reign. It’s about creating your own justice, your own karma and your own destiny. It’s about getting back onto your feet and deciding that the rest of your life isn’t going to be miserable because of what happened to you. It means walking bravely into the future, with every scar and callous you’ve incurred along the way. Forgiveness means saying that you’re not going to let what happened to you define you any longer.”

Anyway this excerpt spoke such truth into my heart that I had to share it.  Surely learning to forgive is part everyone’s life journey? What been your experience of forgiveness?


2 thoughts on “Forgiveness

  1. Sjoe, that’s a lot to think about. In the last year or so, I have learnt a lot about forgiveness but also realize it’s not something you can force. I completely relate to the idea that if you’ve forgiven, you’re agreeing with the actions or somehow validating it. It’s a tough path to get out of that frame of thinking but one day I realized that the people who have hurt me aren’t moping about worried about what pain they caused, they’re happily living their life. Maybe it’s about time I move on from the hurt and learn to enjoy my life and all the goodness that surrounds me, after all – they’ve already hurt me, why should I give them the power to take away my happiness too? Very awesome read!

    1. Thanks Megan! It really was something I struggled to accept for a while. Was super nervous about posting this. Also sorry I have a spam issue… and so only picked up your comment now in amongst the million and one offers to improve my website’s SEO.

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